Schadenfreude: Bloomberg Subjected to Hilarious Soda Ban Protest (Update: No, It's Satire)

Update: Alas, the article is not true. It is satire.  Which makes pretty much everything I wrote below wrong.  Can I plead that nothing in the article suggested it was satire?  Seriously, look at it, do you see any part of it that was implausible?  No, just stuff that was awesome if true.

Rather than rewrite the whole post, I'll leave it as is below the fold.  Egg on my face, but it is still a funny article I am quoting from.  And I can laugh at myself for the mistake.

As you might know, Mayor “Nanny” Bloomberg tried to put in place a ban on large sodas, “for your own good.”  It was struck down in March but that is on appeal. Which, by the way, liberals, if you pretend to believe in a Constitutional right to privacy, this is a violation of that right.  Privacy, in the context of abortion, birth control and gay sex, is the right to do whatever you want as long as you don’t harm anyone else (a fetus being defined as not a person and thus not “anyone else” according to the Supreme Court).  My drinking a large soda doesn’t hurt anyone but me.  So unless you object to this, stop pretending to care about a right to privacy.

And in fact while I don’t think the Constitution protects a right to privacy, I generally do think that we shouldn’t have paternalistic laws protecting people from themselves.  So this story is delicious.  I’ll let the Daily Currant tell it:

Bloomberg was having an informal working lunch with city comptroller John Liu at the time[....]

Witnesses say the situation unfolded when as the two were looking over budget documents, they realized they needed more food than originally ordered.

"Hey, could I get another pepperoni over here?" Bloomberg asked owner Antonio Benito.

"I'm sorry sir," he replied, "we can't do that. You've reached your personal slice limit."[...]

Mayor Bloomberg, not accustomed to being challenged, assumed that the owner was joking.

"OK, that's funny," he remarked, "because of the soda thing ... No come on. I'm not kidding. I haven't eaten all morning, just send over another pepperoni."

"I'm sorry sir. We're serious," Benito insisted. "We've decided that eating more than one piece isn't healthy for you, and so we're forbidding you from doing it."

"Look jackass," Bloomberg retorted, his anger boiling, "I fucking skipped breakfast this morning just so I could eat four slices of your pizza. Don't be a schmuck, just get back to the kitchen and bring out some fucking pizza, okay."

"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do," the owner repeated. "Maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories."

Witnesses say a fuming Bloomberg and a bemused Liu did indeed walk down the street to a rival pizzeria , ordered another slice and finished their meeting.

By the way, shame on Bloomberg for cursing in public.  I don’t get overly upset about cursing, but a public official should try to make his behavior in public as g-rated as possible.  Parents should not be afraid to have their kids around the mayor because he might set a bad example for them.

And let’s give the restaurant some free publicity.  It is Collegno's Pizzeria in Brooklyn.  Why don’t you stop by and buy a slice, or two?  I suspect they will wave the slice limit for everyone but Nanny Bloomberg.

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My wife and I have lost our jobs due to the harassment of convicted terrorist Brett Kimberlin, including an attempt to get us killed and to frame me for a crime carrying a sentence of up to ten years.  I know that claim sounds fantastic, but if you read starting here, you will see absolute proof of these claims using documentary and video evidence.  If you would like to help in the fight to hold Mr. Kimberlin accountable, please hit the Blogger’s Defense Team button on the right.  And thank you.

Follow me at Twitter @aaronworthing, mostly for snark and site updates.  And you can purchase my book (or borrow it for free if you have Amazon Prime), Archangel: A Novel of Alternate, Recent History here.  And you can read a little more about my novel, here.

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Disclaimer:

I have accused some people, particularly Brett Kimberlin, of reprehensible conduct.  In some cases, the conduct is even criminal.  In all cases, the only justice I want is through the appropriate legal process—such as the criminal justice system.  I do not want to see vigilante violence against any person or any threat of such violence.  This kind of conduct is not only morally wrong, but it is counter-productive.

In the particular case of Brett Kimberlin, I do not want you to even contact him.  Do not call him.  Do not write him a letter.  Do not write him an email.  Do not text-message him.  Do not engage in any kind of directed communication.  I say this in part because under Maryland law, that can quickly become harassment and I don’t want that to happen to him.

And for that matter, don’t go on his property.  Don’t sneak around and try to photograph him.  Frankly try not to even be within his field of vision.  Your behavior could quickly cross the line into harassment in that way too (not to mention trespass and other concerns).

And do not contact his organizations, either.  And most of all, leave his family alone.

The only exception to all that is that if you are reporting on this, there is of course nothing wrong with contacting him for things like his official response to any stories you might report.  And even then if he tells you to stop contacting him, obey that request.  That this is a key element in making out a harassment claim under Maryland law—that a person asks you to stop and you refuse.

And let me say something else.  In my heart of hearts, I don’t believe that any person supporting me has done any of the above.  But if any of you have, stop it, and if you haven’t don’t start.